GRATITUDE
Gratitude like faith, is that intangible human quality that views life from a different perspective. Faith believes in a reality not currently seen, while gratitude counts for good all that has happened both past and present. Gratitude flies in the face of English philosopher Thomas Hobbes, who characterized human life as “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short.” It finds solace in seeing the world as a place of beauty, full of new opportunities to thrive.
To deny that life is tough, often disappointing and full of setbacks is unrealistic. The entire world is suffering. Peoples and nations are under attack. A global pandemic is affecting 8 billion people, and it is clear that the physical and mental health of many are affected. No amount of positive or wishful thinking will turn this around.
Grateful is the feeling a person gets when something good has happened, or conversely, when something bad has not happened. The usual response to being grateful is “thank you.” On the other hand, gratitude is not dependent on any outcome or desired result. Gratitude says, “I am alive –– that’s all that matters.”
Gratitude is a state of being, and being grateful or thankful is an up-beat response to what life offers us. Gratitude can change our lives in a positive way. It can be an antidote to depression and loneliness. It can change our way of thinking and often will serve to promote good health. Gratitude looks at the glass as being half full; it does not depend on feelings that change with time and circumstance.
As we continue to search for meaning in life, we sometimes discover good emerging from tragedy. We also find within ourselves a greater appreciation of our relationship with others, and an increased compassion for those who have struggled in similar ways. Some would define this as spiritual development, while others see it as becoming more human. Both views express a process of inner healing, a heightened awareness of us being grateful.
It is easy to be grateful when good things happen. It is much more difficult to experience gratitude when life brings us ‘lemons’. It all comes down to attitude. Are we willing to make lemonade out of the sour juice of life? When we wake up in the morning are we content to say, “thank God, I am alive today?” By doing so, we affirm that being grateful is a choice that overrides our current circumstance.
Gratefulness responds to life’s darkest moments. Corrie ten Boom and her family helped 800 Jewish people in Netherlands to escape from the Nazis in WWII by hiding them in her home. In 1944, she and her family were betrayed and sent to Ravensbrück concentration camp. Even in her worst moments she believed there was a reason for it all. “This is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.” (The Hiding Place).
How it is that people under extreme duress can come to a point where they appreciate life even more. Living through conflict and war, or battling a debilitating disease brings about a resilience that puts life in a different perspective. When each new day is a gift to be treasured, it is being grateful that brings us joy –– not the other way around.
My mother has cultivated gratitude her whole life. As a young woman, Marianne left Europe after WWII to begin a new life in Canada. Within five years she was struck down with polio, and she has suffered now for the past 65 years. I have seen her in pain, and at the same time singing a hymn. I have watched her raise six children with two limbs paralyzed. She cooked, cleaned, drove her kids here and there, and found ways to love and care for us all. To create a home for her family has been one of the greatest feats of inner courage and strength that I have ever witnessed in my lifetime. When asked, “how are you doing Mor?” the answer is always in Danish, “strålende”. And that means … like sunshine, brilliant!
Mor’s overall life has been one of gratefulness. It was her way to approach life through challenging circumstances. She showed us how to be grateful even in times of suffering. She had inner resources, like her faith in God that she constantly drew upon. She was grateful for her family, and she put all her energies into those of us who at the time could not even appreciate what she was going through. I believe it was that gratitude and spiritual energy that guarded her against depression and anxiety. Giving for her was a way of life –– and she gave all she had. It was her way of showing gratitude. She is a ‘light on top of the hill’, an inspiration to us all.
In a recent article in The Atlantic, Scott Barry Kaufman writes about the positive power of gratitude. He cites an ‘Existential Gratitude List’ created by psychologist Paul Wong, that measures the tendency people have to feel grateful. He states that our attitude towards pain and challenge in life determines our mental and emotional state of being. This list includes such statements as:
- I am grateful for my life even in times of suffering;
- I am grateful for the people in my life, even for those who have caused me much pain;
- I am grateful that I have something to live for, even though life has been hard for me;
- I am grateful that every crisis represents an opportunity for personal growth.
How do we deal with residual feelings of regret? Will that process include things that have happened to us through no fault of our own? Or is it a rebuke to our conscience for things we could have changed, but chose not to at the time? Indeed, our lives could be described as a litany of regrets. The reality is we cannot erase the past or our feelings about these events. However by living gratefully in the present, we can find a way to diminish the impact of those regrets.
Living gratefully means being grateful for the gift of life. To treasure what we have now, does not mean we accept all that is hurtful or negative in our lives. It just gives us an opportunity to create change in light of the challenges we face. Gratefulness not only changes our lives, it also promotes within us the qualities of compassion, kindness, forgiveness, and empathy. It leads us to care about the well-being of others and to impact our world in ways we never thought possible.
The environmentalist can do something to care for the environment. The business person can strive to create opportunities for others to create wealth. Civil servants involved in politics can lead, inspire, and create rules for living that will better the society. Aid workers can reach out in personal ways through the humanitarian organizations they support. Teachers, doctors, nurses, and front-line workers who sacrifice their own well-being during the current Covid19 pandemic –– their extraordinary example of courage and commitment is demonstrated daily. We can all do something to care for our world. Each in our own way using the skills, interests and talents we possess, can contribute towards the greater good. It all begins and ends with being grateful.
M Frederiksen
30/08/2021
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